As it gets late one guy looks at his watch and sighs. "I can never really enjoy our nights out"
"Whys that?" his friend asks
"I always end up getting in trouble with my wife. Problem is I park down the block, walk home, take off my shoes downstairs, tip-toe to the room, leave all the lights off and creep into bed, and sure enough my wife wakes up and is ready to yell at me for staying out so late".
"Just do what I do" replies his friend "I screech the car into the driveway, slam the front door shut, tromp up the stairs, crash into bed, slap my wifes ass, and yell 'hey babe how about a blow job?' ...trust me, she's asleep every time".
***********************************************************************************
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
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An Irishman arrived at Boston's Logon airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was homesick.
'No, 'replied the Irishman.' It's worse, I have I've lost all me luggage.'
'That's terrible, how did that happen?'
'The cork fell out of me bottle.'
An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the Gardai, who asks her, 'Ma'am did you know that you were speeding?'
Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, 'What did he say?'
Mick yells out, 'He says you were speeding!'
The Garda said, 'May I see your license, please ma'am?'
Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, 'What did he say?'
Once more, Mick, shouts out, 'He wants to see your license!'
Irene gives the policeman her driving license.
The Garda retorts, 'I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.'
For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, 'What did he say?'
Mick yells very loudly, 'He thinks he knows you!'
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Three generations of hookers are sitting around talking about their lives.
The young lady complains "I gave a guy a blow job tonight and all he paid me was $50".
The mom shrugs and says "In my day you couldn't get more then $10 for that".
"Shut your mouths, both of you" the grandmother replies "During the Great Depression, we were happy just to have something warm in our belly".
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